The three biggest lessons I learned from my yoga teacher training (YTT) was the value in vulnerability & holding space, how to sit in stillness, and the power of self-acceptance.
#1) Holding Space & Vulnerability
Holding space is a concept I’d never heard before. What did it mean and what value does it add? I was also a bit of an introvert. Sharing in large groups or in groups of more than three or four gave me high anxiety.
The Emotion Exercise
Well, the first weekend of YTT we did a journaling session. We each received a card with an emotion written on the back. We then had to journal about that feeling and when we may have experienced it. Next, we partnered with a classmate who had a similar emotion on their card to discuss what we each had written.
My prompt was “Confusion. ” I was cautious with what to say and began at an easy surface level. I wrote about how work was confusing. As I continued to write, my thoughts began to become a little more raw, unfiltered and vulnerable.
I had just gotten back from my last physical visit with my mom. And I was so confused about how sick she had gotten. I wrote how “I was confused on how to best help, confused if I did or [was] doing enough, confusion and self-doubt would appear at random times.” As I looked back at this entry, I could feel those same feelings of heaviness arise, but I also reminded myself of the compassion and love I felt radiating from my partner.
It was an uncomfortable experience, being a bit introverted, trying to talk and not cry about the subject. But the tears totally came, it was flooding. Luckily YTT was well prepared for the tears. This was holding space and this was me connecting on a deep level with almost a total stranger. I was lucky my partner was very familiar with the concept and is the Holding Space Queen.
So what does holding space mean? This means being able to sit and listen without judgement and without trying to fix anything. This can be so hard, but it is truly a gift. Especially with the pandemic, holding space has become such a critical need by so many of us right now.
It felt so good and cathartic sharing vulnerable stories in a safe and supported space.
My Mom’s Passing
When my mom had passed, it was Easter Sunday. Just 2 days later, I had to participate in our 2nd weekly discussion. It was not going to be possible. I emailed the director of the program saying I wouldn’t be able to make it because of the news I had received. I knew I couldn’t be present for the discussion and I didn’t want to bring anyone else down. We ended up on a call the following morning. She encouraged me to share this sensitive news with our group.
Therefore, that night I shared my news. All 11 of those beautiful souls held space for me in their heart. In that moment I could feel the positive energy and loving vibes everyone was sending my way. It was beautiful and made me cry just thinking about it. For this I am so thankful, as I learned about the value of what it meant for a zoom room of people to hold space for me. We all need to be held sometimes.
From these experiences I have learned the value of vulnerability to strengthen our connections to others and how to hold space for both myself and others. For example, now I intentionally practice holding space for others in just the simple question of how they are doing. I make it my intention so they feel heard and supported. Our vulnerabilities, struggles and challenges can connect us to others on such a deep level because most likely at some point we have felt similar feelings. And if we haven’t, perhaps it pushes us to have more compassion and understanding.
#2) How to Sit in Stillness
The 2nd biggest lesson I learned was understanding meditation. Yoga teacher training inspired / required me to dive deeper into the different meditations via apps, videos and books. I highly recommend one of my new favorite books Wherever You Go There You Are. It provides the basis and background of meditation in short and digestible pieces. (My review of the book is coming soon). I found this “om-work” or homework very interesting and fun to read and learn about.
For me, meditation was always this obscure weird thing I tried to do but always doubted that I was doing it right. I learned there’s no wrong way to do it and you can meditate doing a lot of things or also not doing a lot of things. It’s all about having the ability to experience your emotions, feelings, & thoughts without judgement. You simply give them attention, take note of it and if possible set it aside. Even if you continue to keep wandering back on that thought, perhaps you just sit a little longer and notice why those feelings are coming up. What can you learn? Can you give yourself permission to calm the rocky waters.
I have also noticed how Shavasana has become one of my favorite parts of the practice. Before I started practice at my current yoga studio, unless I was just physically exhausted, Shavasana always felt a little weird. I’d catch my mind wandering and then feel guilty about it. However, now I realize that it’s okay for your mind to wander and it actually helps to identify what things are coming up repetitively. This helps create space for a deeper introspection of your feelings both emotionally and physically.
I’ll never forget the quote that your “biography affects your biology” and the lessons about listening in the Wherever You Go There You Are. One of the big “Ah Ha” moments is when the book pointed out how doctors are not always checking in with the person’s personal life to truly ask and listen to how they are doing. Instead majority of doctors prescribe medicine or keep the conversation focused only on the targeted area of pain. This is very true; I’ve never really developed a close connection with any of my physicians or doctors. Instead, I would simply get treated or written a prescription and leave.
However, recently when I went to the dentist, my dentist kept asking me how I was after I gave my one-word answer of good. I could tell he wanted me to dive a little deeper. I ended up explaining everything that happened in April and my mom’s passing and next thing I know I was crying at the dentist. 
He was very comforting and I felt very supported. This was such a unique experience that I’m not sure if it would have happened had he not pushed me to open up. He did mention that a lot of people were having TMJ or grinding issues from all the stresses that were currently going on. This was the perfect example of how your circumstances can affect your health.
I will also admit my practice was not daily during my entire YTT experience, but I do know that when I get into a routine of at least just a little bit of yoga each day I always feel good about it. It was much better when I started this year and then I chose to do YTT in order to learn more about yoga and force myself to make it more of a habit. But honestly, life happened, and I fell out of practice and that is just a cycle of life. We are human and we know what we need when we go inside ourselves and reflect and what I needed was time to get my life together.
I am also human and figuratively and literally flexible in the sense that I will adapt and change with time. While we were visiting family with our newly adopted puppy it was a challenge to make the time to practice; but I can already tell when I make time for myself in the morning or wake up a little earlier I’m eager to jump back on my mat.
#3) Self-Acceptance
My biggest take away from YTT is being ok with myself wherever I am in my stage of life and knowing that I have all the answers I need deep down inside of me. I am more reflective on what feelings arise and why and actively try to hold space for both myself and others. I regret decisions less because I know that I made decisions based on what I needed at that time. And even though I haven’t exactly figured out my life purpose, these simple but powerful lessons learned, I know is something that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.
A big thank you to my yoga teachers and peers for making this training possible through all this crazy stuff in the world and I will always cherish my YTT training.
If you ever have the opportunity to do a yoga teacher training whether that’s to become a yoga teacher, learn more about yourself or grow in unbelievable ways, DO IT!
If you want to learn more about my journey as a space holder, yoga and meditation teacher hop on over to my free private Facebook group – A Pathway to Peace!
